Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
