I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
