Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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