Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
