Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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