kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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