I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
