i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
