You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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