Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
