the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
