Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
