Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
