Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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