Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
