if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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