is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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