I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
