I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
