I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
