Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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