I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
