Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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