I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
