it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
