dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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