i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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