they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
