That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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