Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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