Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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