Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
