I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
