My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
