So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
