so that wasnt chicken after all
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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