Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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