The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
