After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
