YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
