she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
