My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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