i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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