sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
