STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
