That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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