Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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