I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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