hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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