I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
