his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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