i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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